Duplex

It's Sunday and I'm feeling lazy. So I switch on Cable and see what's on the movie channel. And there's Danny DeVito's Duplex, starring Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore. I'm not a fan of the duo, but a few chuckles to tide me in till Monday-morning syndromes kick in is not such a bad idea. It turns out to be a dreadful, dreadful experience. I think it's meant to be a satire about how rent control makes apartment owner's life miserable. And it's quite successful at that, but not as a satire. We see how Stiller and Barrymore are tortured by a cunning old witch living upstairs in their newly-purchased duplex and how they come out at the end of the movie penniless, homeless, jobless and remain duped to the extent that they think of their abuser as a cute little lady. The whole movie relies on too many variations of one joke. And that old woman, aptly played by Eileen Essel, is so nasty to the point that I truly believe she's a worshipper of Beelzebul and is breathing fire when I'm not looking! There're a few funny moments but most of the time, I feel like strangling that old bag myself (that stupid couple comes next on my list). On second thought, I guess Danny DeVito should be the guy I go after. He should never quit his day job as an actor. Why I sat through the past 90 minutes is a mystery to myself. I guess boredom has got the best of my judgment again. Avoid this movie if you can!

Star Wars III: The Revenge of the Sith

It doesn't take a Jedi to sense a great disturbance in the Force. Star Wars III: The Revenge of the Sith crash lands in the theatre as yet another dumb movie, albeit having a somewhat richer (not better) story than the previous prequels. The first ten minutes of it is an orgy of CG effects as the lousy story struggles to set the stage for Anakin's ultimate transformation. But instead of being awed and inspired, the onslaught of cartoony CG is extremely tiring to watch given the constant sensory bombardment. It's all been that, done that. The mediocrity raises another notch with the subsequent gratuitous fight in the space cruiser's control tower (who in their right mind will bring two mighty Jedis to the control tower if not to let them wreck havoc on you and kick your sorry ass?); the awkwardly choreographed saber duel; and the super-duper cheesy emergency landing. It doesn't bode well for the rest of the movie, and I'm ready to send out my first distress signal.

And then the killing begins. First, the all-powerful Cont Dooku is slain like a little kitty (Christopher Lee must be pissed for his Saruman character was also treated like dirt by Peter Jackson). But, really, he shouldn't get too bitchy about it because Dooku's demise is already decent enough in comparison with our beloved heroes of the Jedi Council-Lord Windu is flung out of the window by Anakin, and the rest fall like flies by the hands of troopers! Lucas must have grown so weary of Jedis' self-righteousness and moral mumbo-jumbo that he decides to get rid of them in the most insulting and humiliating way! Fascinating! A near total absence of character depth has become the signature of the prequels for Lucas dumps characters like used condoms; but then again, they are so corny that you won't care much for any of them. So I bear with it, and wait for THE moment.

Anakin's turn to the dark side of the Force should be the darkest, the grimmest, the most heart-rending moment of the Star Wars saga, right? Unfortunately, it turns out to be a fart of the first degree: We are told Anakin has a premonition of Padme's death by childbirth. And before long, we see Anakin unleashes a killing spree, sparing no one in his path because Palpatine promises to teach him how to raise Padme from the dead, even though that crook never once shows him how exactly is that going to be done. Who wrote crap like this? Are we supposed to feel sorry for such a gullible coward? Lucas must honestly believe that our eyes will get all watery by the time Anakin wakes up in his Lord Vader costume and cries out NOOOOOOOOO!! This scene is destined to go down in the history of cinema as a textbook example of pure cinematic junk.

I don't think the chemistry between Anakin and Obi-Wan, arguably the two most important characters in the prequels, has ever sizzled. The moral cleavage between the master and the apprentice hasn't been satisfactorily explored, leaving two shallow characters no livelier than their CG-generated counterparts dwelling the same scene. And speaking of Lucas' love affair with CG, he may have given birth to this modern cinematic magic that glosses over tons of dreadful screenplays, but his complete reliance on it renders a live-action production such as Star Wars verging on being a cartoon. And to add to the insult, more often than not, the CG backdrop doesn't look that much different from traditional matt painting. I don't want to go into the acting and editing, which are just as disappointing as everything else. Lucas never seems to be able to put two and two together in figuring out the fate of Anakin and the Republic. He churns out one mediocre scene after another and infests them with ear-wilting-ly stupid dialogue. The Force is no longer (if it ever was) with Lucas. May episode 7, 8 and 9 never see the light of day.